The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
