i permit you to call me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
