If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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