Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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