the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize