When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize