I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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