what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Watching her eat just hurts me
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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