Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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