I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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