i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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