I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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