Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
