i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
