I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
