TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
