U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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