do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
