so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize