I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
