well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
