my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
