The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
