Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
