So drunk its hurt
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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