I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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