he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
A+ Viking dick
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
