At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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