i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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