Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
