You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
