my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
