I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
