Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
