That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
vagina is talking i cant
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
