Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize