I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
