I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
