i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
