last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
