Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
