I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize