I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
