I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
