im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Pants are for mortals
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize