Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
