had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize