dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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