Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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