Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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