The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
