do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
