i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
