im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
