I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
