filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
