normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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