Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
