whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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