Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
