just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
