You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
