I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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