Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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