i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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