also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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