respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
